So, now my hair is jet black.

Fuck you, L'oreal.
You said that it would make my light brown hair dark brown. And, yes, while it's ALWAYS darker, it shouldn't be black as coal. So thanks for this and making me go out and buy color removal that will probably turn my hair orange or make me go bald. You Bitch.
Err, anyways. On to more pressing matters of the heart.
I am a terrible friend.
I let my best, best friend turn into a mess because I did not think it was my duty to watch over her. Well, I was wrong. It was my duty as her confidante, and her friend, to love her and take care of her. I see that now, now that she's cried in my arms for two hours while I sat in her bedroom, not knowing what to do, because I have no idea as to what has been going on in her life for the past seven months. I used to know her so well, know how to calm her down, make her laugh and also push her buttons. Now, there's a thick stone wall surrounding the person whom I met when I was thirteen. Hopefully, a change of scenery will make her feel more at ease and less stressed. But, I'm not sure. She's so sensitive and depressed that I can't really read her anymore.
I really fucked myself over having lost touch with her. Then again, it wasn't only her that I lost touch with. My favorite uncle, My priests, My other friends, My surrogate grandma, all of them I cut out of my life at appx. the beginning of 2nd semester. I self diagnosed myself with having a small nervous breakdown, and I'm going to go with it. The alcohol poisoning and other blunders in my path of life seem to point to it.
I miss speaking to my Uncle Allan, he was one of the few members of my family that I could truly speak to about...things. Art, our family, life, etc.
I miss speaking to my Priests, I love them so much. Since working at the rectory in 2002, they became like grandfathers to me, and for them to know them goings on in my life I think would make them so sad.
I miss my Grandma. Simply put, She is my Grandma.
And I miss my friends. I never had to hear all this bullshit from them about how terrible I was and how I did things wrong and they never heard that from me. Then I went to college and became, really, a different Eve. And I was ridiculed, and I thought it was fine to pass the ridicule onto friends I left behind in CT.
Sometimes, I really fucking hate living in MA. Many are either full of themselves or such sad sacks that its hard to really be happy. I miss being home with my family, and being simple. I hardly miss not having food in the refrigerator, or paying bills myself.
I hate the competitive streak that also runs so thickly up here, sometimes it seems ironic how it tends to show up in the different relationships I've formed.
Hopefully, I can change a few of these things. I'd like to start writing again, to my uncle and to the priests, and to everyone else. I also want to see more of my 'old' friends. I also want to do better in school this semester. I hardcore dive bombed my gpa last semester and hopefully I can get it back up to a 3.4, or at least a 3.0.
I'm making plans to study abroad in Fall 2009, and in London, maybe at Goldsmiths. Then get an internships at a magazine, and also get a job. But then, the economy is faltering so, I'll have to see how that goes.
I'm thinking of writing a short story about a schizophrenic who gets confused with the 2nd coming of Mary Magdalene.
And also, a few poems.
And I would make this a post script if I knew anyone ever read my journal here, but no one does so, to the hell with it.
I mean my apologizes. When I don't say " I'm sorry" it's because I'm not. Anyone can think what they would like, but it hurts me to see someone who is in my hear hurt. And when I say things I mean them, be that " I'm really sorry, I never meant to hurt you to that extent. And I see what I did was wrong, do you forgive me?" or " I'm your friend, I love you" or " I think you act like an idiot a lot of the time".
Most of what I said isn't reported to the person I was talking about correctly. Maybe it was misheard or purposely misconstrued. But, as evidenced with the latest case of me being a huge miscreant, I always want to be back in my friend's life. And hopefully, they would one day want me back.